Fifty. 50.
Just a number.
Just an age.
Yet, it is significant once it is reached. It changes us deep inside. Until you are 50, you may or may not give it much thought. You may anticipate it with great enthusiasm, or you may not. It may be long in your rear-view mirror.
God has recently allowed me to heal from a few childhood wounds that had been inflicted upon me; wounds that did more damage than I had ever really known or acknowledged. The past few years have been rough in that the healing process required me to work through the initial hurt and the subsequent consequences. As you can imagine, 40 years of damage being worked through is laborism for all involved, including the innocent who surround me.
Yet here I am - now 50. I am praising God for He blessed me with the ability to go into this fiftieth year fit, fabulous and free. Being that I always try to come up with a theme for the year (rather than resolutions) and that my name is Julie, I thought it appropriate that my theme be: Julie's Jubilee in 2023. In God's Word He instituted the 50th year to be a year of Jubilee for His nation Israel. In this year, the people would allow their servant to go free, to release debts and to reclaim territory previously taken.
As mentioned, the past few years God has really allowed me the opportunities to work through hurts, disappointments and great grievances that not only were done to me, but those that I had inflicted on others. This was accomplished through His prompting, His guidance, His love and His care. I would never advocate revisiting the past without His leading and handholding. He is faithful and good as He leads at the pace that He sets.
Then back in early November my older brother sent me an interesting email with an adventurous invite to participate in the Coney Island Polar Plunge. Now, I am adventurous but an ice-cold polar plunge into the Atlantic Ocean on January 1 has never been on my bucket list. However, after embracing my sense of adventure and committing to going to New York in order to take the plunge, it became apparent that this was going to be significant for me.
Christopher and I teasingly discussed allowing the plunge to take all the angst, frustration and anger that I had always been known for out into the ocean. Interestingly enough, God had already done that during the previous few years. He really had transformed my heart and I was starting to live in a newfound freedom. Soon though I realized that this plunge was going to be a picture of that transformation. Little did I know God would encourage me to really embrace this idea, but that He would also provide photos capturing this freedom.
God did His redeeming work in my life back in 5th grade. He has allowed me to journey with Him through all these many years. God has been faithful and good even when I decided to do my own thing. He prepared me for this year, 2023, in ways that I would have never desired on my own. He worked in my heart and life in such a way that I now know how to forgive more, I am able to love more freely, and I desire to follow Him even more closely. It won't be perfect, and it may not be pretty at times, but I thank God that I can look back at this moment in time and praise Him for capturing externally what He has done internally over the past few years!
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